At church we are learning not to just look at these struggles and say, "Okay, how can I make this behave and not express anger?" By simply working on the surface level of issues, you are never really able to overcome the problem entirely. We are to look at sin, find the root of the problem, and put that sin to death.
I am tired, personally, of simply brushing over the surface of this issue in my life so that I don't have to be embarrassed about it. It hasn't worked and it won't work until I allow God to show me the root of the problem.
Why am I angry? Why do I get angry?
Usually, for me, it's because something hasn't gone my way or the way I think it should have gone. That's a really tough one to admit right there, but it's true. And why should I feel entitled to have things go my way? I shouldn't.
My second realization really hit home for me though. Most of my life I have been called out as being too sensitive as if this is a negative attribute that needs to be overcome. "You're just too sensitive, Natasha." "Maybe she didn't want to talk to you about it because you're too sensitive."
This is where those fits of rage surface the most. Yes, I am sensitive. However, being sensitive isn't entirely a bad thing. I need to stop responding in anger when people accuse me of this. Sensitivity is a two-sided coin. There are two very different definitions of this word: sensitive: easily upset by the things that people think or say about them and likely to cause people to become upset; and aware of and understanding the feelings of other people.
Now the first part of this definition is where I need help from the Lord. It's how I respond to things that displays my sinful nature. I should be practicing patience and self-control. I should respond to others calmly, rationally, and in love, and I shouldn't take offense. They aren't saying what they are saying to hurt me or anyone else—usually.
The second part of this definition is where I see my strength. Being sensitive has allowed me to put myself in another person's shoes to understand where they are coming from. Why are they upset? Why are they hurt? Why do they feel misunderstood or rejected? In a lot of ways, I believe being sensitive is a gift God has given me to help me be more compassionate toward others and sensitive to the things I say and how I say them. (Now, am I the best at this? No. I'm human; I make mistakes just like everyone else, but I believe it is one of my strengths).
So in a lot of ways when I respond in anger, I'm usually responding because I'm sensitive—not just for myself but for others' sake as well. Yet, this is still an area I need to be aware of. I am sensitive and I don't think that's a bad thing (on one side of the coin anyway). However, the way I typically respond to others when I feel they aren't being very sensitive to my feelings or another person's feelings isn't right.
I hope this makes sense to those of you reading this. This is an important lesson I am learning this week and I wanted to share it with you. I have studied ways to overcome anger for years, but I haven't really dove into the root of the issue so I haven't been able to successfully put this sin to death. Hopefully with this new perspective on anger and what the root cause of anger is in my life, and with the help of the Lord, this is an area that will no longer be a struggle for me.
I also wanted to share the verses I hope to reflect on and help me in this area of my life.
"'In your anger do not sin': Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry and do not give the devil a foothold."
Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV)
"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O God, my Rock and my Redeemer."
Psalms 19:14 (NLT)
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent and praiseworthy—think about such things."
Philippians 4:4-8 (NIV)
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."
Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV)
I heard a great insight the other day in home group pertaining to this last verse (Galatians 5:22-23) concerning the Spirit. Usually when we look at this verse we have our eyes fixed on attaining the fruit of the Spirit. We should first desire the Spirit and then the fruit will follow.
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